Sean Penn hates my sorry ass. I mean actively so.
An example: In early 2012 Penn went out of his way to kill a deal I had brewing with HBO; a deal that arguably would have made me ‘rich and famous.’ I was to write a pilot based on Can’t You Get Along With Anyone? A Writer’s Memoir and a Tale of a Lost Surfer’s Paradise. Listen: I know this would have been a hit. Eventually I’ll try to get into why I think that, but for now…
When Penn found out about this, my impending HBO deal…
…I’d bet a valued possession that steam was arising from the crown area of our golden boy’s skull…
Take your pick and you get the same asshole.
See if this sounds familiar:
‘I encourage you to stay [in Central America] until something that resembles death.’
This bit of marginal humor is way down at the bottom of the main site page where I didn’t think people would really notice. It was a goofy afterthought.
Where it gets interesting is when you click the quote, which is a link…
But hold on a minute. Why am I bringing this up now, as I prepare my dog and my new mobile home for the beginning of a whole new life? Why bring up this matter from my dim and sordid showbiz past?
Hang in, let me explain: I told my sitewitch to change the minimum PayPal donation to $15 on all the Donate buttons. This had to do with my sending two Water Time dvds for a minimum donation… look, it doesn’t matter. Point being that she had missed one of the buttons, the one in Penn’s little death wish blurb.
Click here to see what I’m talking about.
See, why I bring this up now has to do with you, the collective you, the folks who visit my site and read this fledgling blog. After my post of a few days ago, I got some nice contributions to my cause, for which I thank you, but in going through the PayPal forms I noticed something odd. There were quite a few $10 donations. When I totaled them up, more than a dozen; thirteen, in fact.
Then I realized that the only place to Donate $10 is on the ‘Penn Page’ and here’s the key, I think: As another afterthought (a thought within a thought) I put at the bottom:
The better I do the more outraged he’ll get…
When I realized what all this meant, I went, ‘Yippee!’ or the like. Something like that.
Anyone who donated $10 was making a statement about Sean Penn. And not a positive one, either. I mean, check out that page!
Since it’s doubtful that any of the folks who donated $10 know Penn personally, their dislike must have been based on… a vibe. Or at the very least, you like me a lot better than you like him, for whatever reason. So you were making a statement with the donation.
Then I let loose another incoherent yell: Who knows how many other donations – of $20, $30, even $100 were of this ilk? But at least thirteen!
One thing I learned in life, especially in my H-wood life, is that talent, even balls-to-the-wall creativity, has nothing whatever to do with character.
Sean Penn is a talented actor, no question. He may even be a talented director…
(You can’t tell directing talent from a couple films, trust me on that. In terms of filmmaking ability, for better or worse, if you saw Water Time you know about me and whatever talent I have, because I did everything. In Penn’s case, I kind of doubt he’s much as a director. I sense this because, from my correspondence with him, it’s obvious that he can’t write worth shit.)
More on Penn’s talent or lack thereof in Part Two of this post. Right now I’m concerned with character. Penn went out of his way and put pressure on people to kill my deal at HBO – I’ll prove this to you and name names. What the asshole doesn’t know is that his scumbag actions were actually a favor.
Had I created a series about an expat surf community in the wilds of Central America and had it been a hit (Deadwood meets The Endless Summer), I would not be able to say the things I will say on this blog and in Part Two of Water Time.
I would have been in imminent danger of returning to my Hollywood Asshole persona.
Speaking of Hollywood asshole personas…
But let me get to the real reason for this post, for further aggravating Sean Penn, and you can bet he’ll get this message simultaneously with you: As I say, I’m not angry for his killing my HBO deal… I don’t care about Hollywood deals.
What I do care about is Water Time and I know for a fact that Penn has also gone out of his way to fuck that up. I’ll make it short, although the details are important…
I wanted to get my film to Jesse Ventura. Why? Ventura is a ‘truth’ guy (remember his TV series, Conspiracy Theory?); he just wrote a book on the Kennedy assassination, plus he’s a surfer and lives half the year in Mexico.
If you’ve seen Water Time, you know Jesse Ventura would love it and promote it.
Penn used his weight to see that Ventura either never got it, or thinks I’m a total scumbag (via Penn’s lies) and therefore was warned off it. (I’ve tried multiple times emailing his popular Off the Grid Net show, no response. Jesse’s emails are of course screened.)
Penn wants to fuck with my film, something that has nothing to do with him and his bullshit ego and is an actual worthwhile story that I put heart and soul into for over six years? He wants to fuck with that?
Those of you who have seen my film, I hope you’re pissed off too.
I have a folder where all the ‘Penn PayPal’ receipts go. Right now there are thirteen emails in there (thank you!).
As of now, with this post, Penn knows that people not only do not like him, but are shelling out ten bucks to make the point! Keep in mind that I’m not offering anything in return for the ten bucks! No dvds, no books, no nuttin!
You know how much that’s going to bother him? With his ego?
Help me aggravate Sean Penn. Let’s make the Penn Page famous!
$10 is the magic number. Don’t donate more!
I’m cackling maniacally as I write this!
Allan
I’ll put the Penn Page money aside, do something good with it. I promise.