A few of you guys have said you’d like to hear more about my ‘road adventures,’ so, in the spirit of Can’t You Get Along With Anyone?, here we go.
I never went into details about the my houseboat’s previous owner, the ‘good ‘ol boy’ who didn’t know he had a 30 gallon fresh water tank on the boat he’d owned for 10 years. Remember that? Steve Crandall is the sleazeball’s name, and not only was he the most boring human I’ve ever encountered — the type who cannot stop talking about himself and his incredibly boring life, and then charges you by the hour to listen to the tripe — but who is also a rip-off. One quick example that combines his incompetence, ignorance, and dishonesty:
The most boring human I’ve ever come across. Oh, and he’ll rip you off, too.
He tells me that the fuel gage is accurate so when I took the boat out for a quick spin I figured the ‘1/4 filled’ (closer to half) starboard tank would be plenty. Well, I immediately run out of gas with a 20 knot wind pushing me onto a sheer rock cliff. Luckily I had bought a 25 pound anchor to replace his ridiculous 8 pounder; but I still almost lost the boat, and ended up paying $300 for a tow.
Early on, and at my insistence, they made the error of sending me a photo of the bilge. 60 gallons? 30 gallons? The water you see is maybe 2 inches deep. Under the engine, 3 inches.
I’m not mad or anything (I should have verified the fuel) but I email him that the fuel gage is not accurate and that I almost lost the boat. He emails me back yelling that I owe him $2,500 for the work he’s done. And he wants it now. (HE insisted that I ‘not worry’ about wages until we were done and the boat on the way to the coast.) Nothing about my almost losing the boat or the faulty gage. This was not a surprise. When one of his girlfriends (btw, he likes ‘big girls’!) laughed at my blog post referring to him, he flipped out — boring people often have huge egos to make up for their shortcomings — and didn’t show up for work, then, when he finally did two days later, yelled ‘I didn’t buy nothin’!’ (He was supposed to stop by a hardware store.) I had to pry it out of him why he was pissed off (I’d made fun of him).
Addendum: I know: Why don’t I see it coming? Boring people are that way due to a lack of self-reflection. No self-reflection equals dishonesty, every time. I know this. At my age… for chissakes… know what I mean?
Speaking of boring, this is already getting boring. To cut to the chase: I owed him half what he demanded and this doesn’t count that he would stop work for — not exaggerating here — an hour or so to tell me about some babe he did or a car he painted. Not kidding. Cars he painted. Had no interest in me at all, even when I mentioned (out of desperation to change the subject) that Sean Penn and John Cusack both wanted to play me in the movies and how I’d had three ships sink under me and…
…I was in trouble because in spite of his nautical incompetence I needed his help/local knowledge. It wound up with me paying what he demanded, with silver and coins, at wholesale prices. He did real good. Although I could prove he was lying about the hours, to do so would have flipped him out further.
Anyway, he’s a thief and has to live with his boring self.
Next. I scrape together the money to ship the boat to Virginia Beach and have it done, with me on the road. Another mistake on my part. The trucker ‘borrows’ my dingy and now does not answer my emails inquiring where it is. But this is minor. The ship yard — ‘Chesapeake Yachts’ in Virginia Beach — accepts my boat from the trucker then starts in wanting more money, although I paid three months storage in advance.
It was supposed to be my new home, but with thieves and liars, maybe not so much…
The fuckers are telling me that there is ’60 gallons of toxic waste’ in the engine bilge and that they are going to spend over $1,000 to have it pumped out. The bilge-claim is not only untrue but ridiculous (see photo). A houseboat has a ‘flat’ bilge, so the water you see is maybe three inches deep. Having spent a lot of time with the engine, I can see that there is 5 – 8 gallons of… dirty water, maybe with a little gas mixed in, although I doubt it. I email them:
Kym,
As I wrote, I will take care of it. [I had emailed saying I myself would have it taken care of]
I see the photo. I have pumped that much water out with a 10 dollar plastic hand pump in less than five minutes. Plus 60 gallons is impossible since there was no more than 40 gallons in two tanks, which could not have all leaked without the engine running. I had a slow water leak, which is what this most likely is — mostly water.
I get this back:
ALLAN,
We DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE BUT A LICENSED COMPANY TO PUMP OUT HAZADOUS WASTE!
THE OWNER DOES NOT ALLOW IT!!!
THE AMOUNT WILL BE ESTIMATED & IT WAS AROUND 30 GALLONS OF MIXED WATER & FUEL!
-WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!???
CONTACT THE OFFICE DIRECTLY AT (757)724-1717. [As I told them several times, I have wifi but no cell here]
REGARDS,
KYM
Notice it’s now 30 gallons? And now it’s ‘hazadous’ waste? (How could they know that? Did they have it analyzed?) I reply:
IT’S DOWN TO 30 GALLONS FROM 60 GALLONS EARLIER TODAY!!!! GREAT!!!!!! THE PROBLEM IS TAKING CARE OF ITSELF!!!!!!
A little humor, given the rude all CAPS yelling she did. So Kym sends me a beaut of an email telling me I have to 1) Pay for the pumping and 2) Vacate the premises. Right. Get my boat out of there now, even though I’m paid up until 2020.
See how flat the bottom is? Back aft by the engine, where is 60 or 30 gallons going to FIT?
For those interested in the details, see my reply below. Otherwise just skip it:
I’ll reply within your message so i don’t leave anything out. Atlho my words will be in CAPS, I am not yelling, as you did in your last email. I also don’t need to use exclamation marks, which are likewise rude, when not called for:
Allan,
The estimate is for removing the fuel & water ! The exact amount will be written once they come to do the service! SO YOU SAY. YOU SEND ME A PHOTO OF ABOUT 5 OR SO GALLONS OF DIRTY WATER IN MY BILGE AND TELL ME IT WILL COST APPROX $1,000, KNOWING I AM FAR AWAY AND CANNOT INSPECT THE BOAT MYSELF. WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT (WHICH IS MY RIGHT SINCE IT’S MY BOAT), YOU SEND ME A RUDE EMAIL IGNORING THIS.
There is no need to make snide comments that the fuel problem will take care of itself!
YOU STARTED WITH THE RUDE COMMENTS, SAYING (IN ALL CAPS, WHICH IS YELLING) ‘WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DON;T UNDERSTAND?’ THIS IS RUDE AND UNNECESSARY, AS IS REFERRING TO THE 5 OR SO GALLONS AS ‘TOXIC WASTE’. WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU HAVE THAT BILGE WATER IS TOXIC WASTE???? IF YOU’RE GOING TO CLAIM 60 GALLONS (!!!) THEN DROP IT TO 30, THAT MEANS NO ONE INSPECTED, LET ALONE TESTED THE WATER. I KNOW A RIP OFF WHEN I ‘SMELL’ IT.
You are 100% responsible for hazardous materials, waste, fluids, etc. on you boat! So you will be the one to pay for the service. HAZARDOUS MATERIALS, YOU SAY? BOATS HAVE WATER IN THE BILGE SOMETIMES. YOU PUMP IT OUT. THE FOLKS AT SMITH MOUNTAIN LAKE SAID THERE WAS NO FUEL IN THE BILGE. SO I HAVE WITNESSES THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO RIP ME OFF WITH THIS.
The owner will use his discretion on having the service completed since you aren’t in compliance with the yard agreement you signed. THAT WAS A GOOD FAITH DOCUMENT, NOT MEANT TO BE USED TO STEAL FROM CLIENTS. YOU ACCEPTED THE BOAT. IF THERE WAS ‘ 60 GALLONS OF TOXIC WASTE’ IN IT, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
You WILL be responsible for the payment of that service.
I HAVE OFFERED TO TAKE CARE OF IT. I HAVE NOT OKAYED ‘AN OUTSIDE CONTRACTOR’ OR ANY MORE OF MY MONEY TO BE SPENT ON 5 OR SO GALLONS OF BILGE WATER.
You have continually avoided any communication by way of phone! You also seem to pick & choose to ignore which ever email you choose to read. THAT IS RICH. IT’S YOU WHO HAVE NOT COMMUNICATED. I HAVE MY EMAILS AND YOURS ARCHIVED, INCLUDING THE PHOTO THAT SHOWS A SMALL AMOUNT OF WATER IN THE BILGE. I TOLD YOU I AM OUT OF CELL COVERAGE AND ONLY HAVE WIFI. LOOK AT MY EMAILS. LOOK AT THE ONES YOU DIDN’T ANSWER.
You need to make arrangements to have your vessel moved ASAP! WE will be giving you 48 hrs. notice as of today. THIS IS OUTRIGHT EXTORTION. YOU KNOW VERY WELL I AM IN THE MOUNTAINS FAR AWAY AND CANNNOT DO THIS. I SENT YOU 3 MONTHS RENT AND OVERPAID FOR YOUR SERVICES AND NOW YOU PULL THIS??? (I USE EMAIL FOR THIS REASON. YOU CANNOT DENY OUR CORRESPONDENCES. LOOK AT IT. I HAVE BEEN IN GOOD FAITH HERE UNTIL YOU WERE RUDE.)
We have other customers & business to address besides you.
You will receive a written notice of eviction to remove your houseboat. AND YOU WILL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER AND MAYBE THE POLICE. ATTEMPTED EXTORTION. AND ALTHO YOU CAN ADD ‘TOXINS’ TO MY BILGE, REMEMBER I HAVE THE PHOTO YOU SENT, SO I KNOW HOW LITTLE IS IN THE BILGE. THAT IS A FLAT BILGE. THERE IS ABOUT 3 INCHES OF LIQUID IN THE BOAT. THE IDEA OF PAYING $1,000 TO PUMP 5 GALLONS IS NOT GOING TO WORK. NOT WITH ME.
Regards,
Kym
I’M CC-ING THIS AND OTHER CORRESPONDENCES TO MY LAWYER.
Point being, after spending another $4,000 for hauling the boat, the yard taking it off the truck ($510) and having my dingy ‘borrowed’, I’m dealing with more crooks, it appears. My next move? I dunno, but I am pissed off.
#
Yeah, I know, pretty boring tale, not as interesting as Human Origins or Visitors from Elsewhere, but some of you asked for it.
Truly, Can’t I Get Along With Anyone?
Allan
Any of you in the Virginia Beach area and want to help me with this matter? You get the dingy back, it’s yours. (Really nice, worth $450.)
At least you haven’t got one of these to worry about Allan 🙂 > https://youtu.be/00CoxEEIAyw
Without a pool of contaminants on the ground beneath your boat which would cause them problems, I cannot see their gripe. However rain could cause the water level to rise in your boat if it doesn’t shed rain well. If the water rises too high it may find a place to spill. But hey, perhaps there is 150 foot boat that would fit in ‘your’ spot ($) if they got rid of you!
Wait for the next post, later today. They caught themselves!
in ‘Water Time’ (wonderful film!) you were very patient with those idiots, even beguiling. Of course you knew you were filming, and had an inkling which of you would come out looking reasonable and who barking mad.
if only yr nose for aggressive deceptiveness were as sharp as yr nose for self-deceptiveness.
Tell me about it. I don’t seem to learn from experience, not when it comes to personal matters….
Yes, Alan was beguiling in ‘Water Time’. I concur.
Allan, count yourself lucky in the scheme of things.
This guy has blown $Millions getting his NEW vehicle built, and she looks like an absolute dog, the workmanship is THE worst I have ever seen in my life.
And imagine the cold sweat you would be in, pressing the ‘start button’ on this > https://youtu.be/Z2eCub-zRzU?t=378
Allan, sorry to hear about all the crap people you’re having to deal with … but I sure did enjoy reading about it.
This actually gave me a bit a queasy feeling in my stomach. I think most of us have to deal with these things here and there. It’s so frustrating. It’s a good thing you archive everything. Too bad you didn’t have a sample of the bilge water. Pictures are always a good idea. Take pictures of EVERYTHING. Time stamp them somehow. Im just babbling here. I suppose my point was that this really got my ire up. Good luck with all this man. There is always revenge….
Great read Allan.
Goddammit I wish people had to wear hats with their IQ prominently displayed on them and if the number was too low, their hats would be nailed on to restrict removal.
“Lookit that stupid guy with no hat…”
I really think there is a market for a book of your adventures on the road.
Please consider something like a travel diary with accounts of what you see and people you meet. You could just put down some notes at end of day and polish later. (easy for me to say)
I bet the result would be very entertaining and might lead to a book deal. I would buy it.
Just because it is not directly about the big picture doesn’t make it pointless. There might be money in it. Also the big picture and people’s reaction to it could be worked into the stories.
Best wishes. I am a fan of your writing.
Thanks for mixing it up.
Row row row your boat as fast as you can from those nasty being
Guess I’ve been lucky to have been free of this kind of bottom-feeding scum. I don’t know how they end up like that.
Not Virginia Beach but if you’re anywhere near Dewey Beach Delaware this weekend I’ll be at doing some repairs & drinking Citrus IPA’s at my beach house. Or “house near the beach” … 5 miles from the ocean kinda qualifies as a beach house right? 🤔Idk
Cheers
BTW for context…., read Cosmic Banditos again over the weekend:) Hadn’t picked up in long time but was prob 5th or 6th time thru since the 90s!
Awesome
Also I can absolutely relate to dealing with the bullshit. Big time. Had a similar situation miid summer & caused some rough times. Still rocky.
Bullshit seems to make the world go round sometimes & that blows.
Gotta run
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!
Awesome =)
Thank you!!!!!!!
Quick Comment on your different styles or modes of writing…
I think it’s your pacing that always gets me! It’s really fucking cool & inspiring. This is gonna sound nerdy but I dig how your various modes of writing evoke different emotional or cognitive reactions. For instance when you put your stake in the ground on certain issues/topics/theories it engages my logical brain but with fireworks. It’s like my brain is shredding waves & throttling energy.
However your descriptive ‘journey style’ has a certain pacing that engages my imagination & flows different. Anyways, this may sound off the wall but from my perspective it’s not always what you write but how you write the gets me stoked. Cheers!
I gotta run but just want to say thank you for inspiration on this Mid- October Morning.
JP
I wonder if your water tank has a small leak, and going into your bilge.
Doggie was trying to warn you in the beginning I think.
Allan that is a good post you put up here, exposing what is all too common these days, with a few too many people in the world.
Glad you maybe getting your generator back and sorry to hear about the new stuff – how frustrating it must be for you to have to go thru this crap remotely. Hard to believe this Steve worked on F-18 Hornets and not know where a water tank is on a boat. I wonder how much time he spent ‘working’ at McDonnell Douglas or Northrop, maybe even Boeing, ‘servicing’ our PTB NWO death machines and whatnot – essentially stealing my hard earned tax dollars so he can give non-locals additional grief and thievery during his retirement, assuming he’s retired off a fat pension of some sort at our expense.
Actually, the money he nailed me for was not as bad as having to listen to him and pretend to be interested.
Very sorry to hear you are going through this bull shit with these horrible people Allan.
Yes, they are Con-Artists trying to rip you off, and I bet I know who is in possession of your generator at least.
Alarm bells rang loud for me, when he (previous owner) “didn’t know about any water tank”.
I abhor boats that have been owned by bad people, be warned, they are always full of spooks, and ‘out of the blue’ crap to $$Fix$$ . I used to work on them (Diesel Engineer).
I hope a bunch of folks are close by to look after your boat affairs for you.
Thanks, Brett. Hope the post wasn’t too self-centered, but maybe someone out there will be warned off these people. By the way, looks to me like the marina folks at Smith Mountain were good people. I was a bit of a hassle to them and they were patient. (Btw, they emailed saying they forgot to put the generator aboard and would send it to me. I believe them.)